Got 'Er Done
by trace93
Summary: Tim and Lyla's thoughts as their relationship evolves.
1. Chapter 1

I put on my running shoes with every intention of taking a nice jog through the park

_I put on my running shoes with every intention of taking a nice jog through the park. But my feet seemed to have their own idea, and in a few minutes, I found myself in front of Tim's house. (Okay, maybe I knew where they were headed…) _

_When I went up his flagstone path and got to the #33 sign, any thoughts of turning around quickly flew out of my head as I could still taste him on my lips from the night before. He'd bared his soul and everything else to me after climbing in my window. He said he couldn't stop thinking about me as he panted with pure desire, like a leopard stalking prey… a leopard with nice guns._

_So I knocked, and heard 'yeah' barked from inside. I let myself in. I couldn't see his face as his head was turned, hidden by the curtain of his hair, clean and wet. After a glance and a grin, he pulled out the stool next to him with his ridiculously muscled bronze arm. He offered me a bite of eggs, and while he was cutting them, I soaked in just how gorgeous he really was. _

_As he watched me chew, this look crossed his face that I'd never seen on him – a caring, nurturing look, like he was taking care of someone else for the first time, feeding me something I needed. And he looked content._

I'd just made some eggs when I heard a knock…

Garrity.

I knew when I saw her adorable smile filled with guilt and desire that I had her in the palm of my hand, for the first time ever. I'd melted some frozen part of her the night before, when I'd climbed the trellis to her room and waited for her like some stalker, confessing my feelings. It wasn't exactly planned, but it was the only thing I could do at that moment – do or die.

The other night, when she stopped to give me a lift after that nightmare practice in the rain when Coach was riding my ass, we'd come together because of Jason's accident. No one could understand our shared loss. And hell, I don't really know how to express myself except in physical ways. We were both basket cases. So stuff just happened. She was beating on me, and then there we were locking lips on highway 9 in the pouring rain. Didn't make any sense, not that either of us was thinking. Then again it made perfect sense.

Anyway, on that night in her room, she resisted me at first. She had laundry in her arms that I shoved aside. But once she gave in to me, she gave me everything she had, and vice versa. Two lost souls finding solace with the only other person who might even begin to understand. We sure as hell both knew it was wrong, but it was a force way more powerful than either of us. Or a twisted display of self-destruction, which I am prone to on occasion. Of course no one could or should understand that. Especially our best friend, who we were both screwing, so to speak.

The next morning, when she stopped by on her run, I gave her a bite of my breakfast. I could feel her eyes all over me, filled with a kind of longing and lust that I've gotten from rally girls, but never Garrity. Then she asked if Billy was home, which he wasn't. And she gave me that wicked smile again, even wider, and with no guilt this time, only desire.

_Billy wasn't home. I knew, because I came right out and asked Tim. I've never been so forceful with a guy – well, with Jason anyway, my only real experience. But Tim is so different. It's like he has a million physical receptors that instantly read my mood, my desires, my lies, my truths, even before I realize them myself. There wasn't any point in formalities -- he could sense what I wanted. _

_I wanted him. _

_When he leaned in to kiss me, he was so hungry for it that he practically devoured me. We both wanted to share as much of ourselves as possible, uniting bodies to catch up with our souls, already together._

Garrity always pretended to be prissy, and tried to fit this mold that everyone around her helped make. Perfect girl – cheerleader, loyal girlfriend to QB1, homecoming queen. But I knew better. There's a whole other side to her to balance that out – a wild streak. She's a red blooded girl, and maybe all that posturing and propriety make that side even more extreme.

I'd known it for years, in part because of what Jay'd told me about her from when they were together in private, and just being with her a lot. And I can just read people – I have a good BS meter and a generous sense of mistrust. And cause I don't talk much, it gives other people more time to talk, to reveal stuff.

Also, as much of a screw-up as people think I am (and they're right, sometimes), I do have a decent side that balances it out. I just don't make much of it, or I try to downplay it – I guess I kinda like being the bad boy. Weeds out the losers; saves me time. But I am more balanced than folks think, just like Garrity's both prim and wild. I mean, I am basically raising myself, and I'm one of the best players in the state, despite all my flaws and my crappy family. We're like two sides to a coin.

So when that animal side of hers came out, I kind of knew where to take it. Yeah, my vast experience with girls certainly helped there. But Garrity's different. She's like this creature that's been jailed in a cage. And when I opened that door, out came the beast, no holds barred. At that point, we had nothing to hide from one another, and everything to share. And share we did… when we were united, I felt like I was seeing her soul, and she saw mine, dumb as that sounds.

Sure I regret that she's Jay's girl. Between that and not being there to block for him that night he was injured, I'd understand if he never forgave me. I may never forgive myself. But Lyla and me were gonna happen sooner or later, and with all the crap that came down with Jay's accident, it was like a catalyst that just pushed us to an inevitable ending.

She and Jay'd been going through the motions for a while. There were such big expectations for the two of them. I was always in the background, the third wheel. But no one knows either of them better than me, their strengths, weaknesses, what they truly wanted. Much as I love Jay, I knew there was one side of Lyla that he was not seeing, that she was keeping from him. Or if he saw it, it was just the surface, since she always behaved a certain proper way around him. I am the only guy who knows the combination to that treasure chest.

So I kissed her and made love to her for all I was worth, like there was no tomorrow, because maybe there wasn't. The memory of every girl I'd ever been with went by the wayside. It was like it was the most urgent thing in the world, me giving her the most love, the most passion I could muster to help save her soul in some way, give her validation. Give myself validation… be useful for once, and in the best way I know how. Right then, it was the only way I knew how.

_Since I'd ever known Tim, he'd made a sport of girls and sex, but it was never love. But he sure looovvved football. Anyway, both were physical outlets for a nonverbal guy. But that night in the rain, and then when we were at the hospital when he lost it at Jason's bedside, I saw sides of him I'd suspected were there, but had never really seen firsthand. A lost, damaged boy in a hunky man's body._

_So that morning at his house, I was literally swept away by his lust and fervor. Okay, I was the one who instigated it, and I sure was in the mood. Was it the thought that Jason was probably a quadraplegic for life, that he might never walk or have kids? Maybe that drove me and Tim together, the urgency of keeping life going. An unstated thought that was so fundamental, that we shared without talking. (Then again, almost everything shared with Tim doesn't involve talking. Even though sometimes he tries, and I stop him, perhaps unfairly. It's just not what I want from him.) Or maybe I just wanted to heal him in some way, on his terms._

_Of course it was wrong, but I discovered there's something about Tim for me that's like kryptonite to Superman. I just get into a certain situation with him, and then everything unfolds. So as soon as he touched me, I broke down. He was strong and comforting, and hot in more ways and degrees than I could imagine, and he knew all the pain I'd been in. And even though being with him was fantastic physically, it was the psychological euphoria that really caught me off guard, like shackles had been removed. I felt happiness beyond what I'd ever expected. I felt like myself._

Garrity's been acting strange ever since that morning. We've been together many times, but it's never been the same. She's giving herself over physically, but mentally… she's holding back now, like she's afraid that if she shows that side again, she'll have sold her soul for good to old Lucifer Riggins. And the perfect Lyla Garrity will suddenly become the female equivalent of Riggs, god forbid. Which, in all honesty, knowing Garrity inside out, could definitely happen. So I guess I don't blame her, but god, I miss seeing her complete like that.

So we have mind-blowing sex, I try to talk to her, and she gets mad at me.

What else can I do?

_Being with Tim's an addiction. Physically, he's completely satisfying, even more than that, way more than I ever thought possible. But I know I've gotta end it, or I may never go back… go back to Jason and being a decent person with some shred of respectability. It's almost too late, but I can't bear the thought of not being with Tim anymore. So we make amazing love, and I get angry at him because I hate myself for having fallen for him, and for not letting him show me his whole person, because I'm afraid I'd completely lose myself to him. Not fair to him at all. Not to mention Jason._

_But what else can I do?_


	2. Chapter 2

Deep down, I hated visiting Jason in the hospital as much as Tim did

Disclaimer: these characters are not mine.

AN: Tim & Lyla's thoughts, often different than their actions, in "El Accidente," S1.

_Deep down, I hated visiting Jason in the hospital as much as Tim did. But being the dutiful girlfriend (and dutiful everything else), I made it my job, my crusade. Seeing Jason's helplessness and pain wrenched my gut, and thinking of how our future together was suddenly thrown into total chaos… well I couldn't abide that, so I pretended everything was fine. It drove Jason nuts after a while, and me too, once I realized I was only pretending._

_But that day when he was playful, affectionate, and – miraculously, hard – I sensed a real emotional change, though maybe it was related to his restored biological function. That's when I knew I had to end things once and for all with Tim, much as I'd avoided doing so._

_I mean, Christ (forgive me), the sex with Tim… it's beyond words. There's always been something about him that just kind of leapfrogs language and cuts right to the gut, the loins. He says almost nothing, and yet I'm never in doubt as to what he's thinking. Most of it is just his expression, the level of burning in his eyes – whether it's lustful, hurt, angry, devoted, and on rare occasion, happy. But with sex, it's like a rocket ship to nirvana. How can something that unbelievably fantastic be bad? _

_That, and he really understands me. He sees my fake optimism for what it is – a means of coping, just like alcohol for him. No difference. So he totally gets the real me, maybe even better than I do myself. And yet he still cares for me despite that._

_But I had to go see him and end it._

/-/-/-

The last few times Garrity and me'd made love (which, incidentally, was fuckin' awesome), afterward, she acted strange. Nasty, like she had no patience for me. All I could do was take it, like a slap in the face, without knowing why. God, I love that girl (I think, anyway) but understanding her is like making diamonds from coal.

Usually, I get her. I know when she's putting on a happy act just to keep her shit together, or to please someone else, and I shut my mouth. But that last time, I was well and truly confused, although no doubt it had to do with Jason in some way. Even though he was never around cause he was in the hospital, believe me, his presence never left me. In fact, I felt like there was more Jason in me than Riggins in those weeks after the accident. Making things with Garrity all the more complicated.

I was working on my truck when Lyla came over to lay down the law, saying we had to stop seeing one another. She was pretty blunt, way more than I thought she could be. My one consolation was that she said she cared for me. Then I threw it in her face by saying I sounded like the biggest mistake of her life.

After that, I had nothing to add except goodbye, though all I wanted to do was to take her right there on the steps and make her regret her decision, like I'd done before that and before that...

/-/-/-

_Tim and Billy were working on the truck when I got there. Tim was in that funny netherworld he goes to often – not totally present mentally, like his soul was a half step outside his body. Anyway, the best way to pull him back to the present is with sex. (And probably football, though I can only vouch for one; powderpuff doesn't count...) From that first kiss, he's totally attentive, passionate, sensitive, giving his all – which is incredible, once he's focused. _

_I told him we had to end things, that Jason was getting to be his old self. Don't know if was that, or the fact that Tim still hadn't gone to visit his paralyzed best friend in the hospital, or that he was screwing said friend's longtime gal. But he looked emptied out, like his soul was now miles away. God, I hated it. _

_I wanted to kiss him silly and bring him back to me right then, but I fought that urge. I nearly grabbed the beer from his hand and drank it down myself. It was so hard, because one look at his eyes, and all the hurt comes pouring out of him and into me, and I just want to smother him in love ­– whatever it takes. Then he just shuts down and says, Bye Lyla, and walks away, like some character in a western. Damn him, he can be so stoic. And I hate it when he calls me Lyla – it means he's serious._

/-/-/-

After Lyla ended us, I was working on my next beer when Tyra came by to tell me she was dating whats-his-name, the lineman. Why she felt she needed to tell me, I don't know. Guess she wanted to hurt me after I dumped her. Or maybe she still had feelings for me. But we'd run through the script; things were over long before that. Sure, the physical stuff was good, great even, but I wanted something more than that. And frankly, we bring out the worst in one another, every time.

In a triple whammy, Jay called and ordered me to come by. Hell, of course I deserved whatever he threw at me. I was the worst friend in the world. But between the gnawing guilt I had about not being able to protect him, sleeping with Garrity, and the hatred I have for hospitals since my mom's incident, I found it real easy to not go.

But he sure straightened me out, and I felt good enough after that to go back and suggest we take a little road trip later that day. I even helped him with his therapy. Putting my hands on his chest to hold him while he did reps – it was all I could do not to lean down and hug the last breath out of him, I'd missed him so much. Though he still didn't know about me and Lyla.

When we were trying to sneak out and Garrity caught us in the parking lot, I didn't know what to expect. She was her sanctimonious self when she got there (I know, she was just looking out for Six), but he somehow convinced her to come with that smile of his. She was always weak for that smile; hell – who wouldn't be. One of my favorite sights in the world.

/-/-/-

_When I caught Tim sneaking Jason away, part of me was alarmed, and the other part rejoiced as they were finally back together. Even more important than Jason and me was for those boys to reunite. It's deeper than love with them; it's like blood. _

_And when Jason pleaded with me to go, I melted. He can do that to me. Always has. But how awkward, and yet perfect, was it to be sandwiched between them in that truck… real subtle metaphor, right. Like old times, but new. _

_We stopped at the deli for some stuff, and after Tim saw me kissing Jason, he snapped like I've never seen him. With jealousy, not so much anger. He's always stood by and watched Jason and me be the prototypical couple, never saying anything. But loving Tim has made things infinitely complicated. And lord knows, I do love him, but he can't hear those words or I'll never get out alive.…_

_When we got to the lake and Tim had to carry Jason, it was all I could do to contain myself. He had to be strong physically now that he'd manned up emotionally, but that he is. It was the most adorable thing I'd ever seen, a little hot too, even though it was sad in a way. But this is how it is now._

_Floating on the lake in our little boat – it was like a dream. The two boys I love with all my heart, talking about rising up and Texas forever. And for the first time since the accident, the feeling that we might actually work it out, the three of us, one way or another. The question is: can I love two guys equally? My heart knows the answer, but reality is another matter._

/-/-/-

When I saw them kissing in the truck, I'd never been so jealous in my life. Maybe I'd never even been jealous before! But hell, I wanted her so bad. She was mine for a couple weeks, and then I'd lost her. But there wasn't anything I could do. She was Jay's always… So I kind of reamed her out for sticking her tongue down his throat. I'd never really talked to Lyla that way, but I couldn't help it. It hurt so much, my heart actually ached. I wanted those deep kisses to belong to me, like they had in weeks before.

I had to carry Jay to the boat, and I don't know if I was weak that night or what, but lord he was heavy as hell. Though it was a strangely nice feeling having him in my arms. I wanted to cradle him like a baby and never let him get hurt again. Roles were reversed, as he'd always been the strong one, the leader.

But once we pushed off the dock, it was like old times. Like we were kids again, talking about our hopes and dreams, staring at the stars, being with each other. My two favorite people in the world, and I love them both more than anything. But I fear I've screwed up royally… never done this before, but here goes: Lord forgive me, for I have seriously sinned.

/-/-/-

_The hug Tim and I shared in the lot after dropping off Jason felt not so much like a goodbye, but a see-you-down-the-road_._ It was all I could do not to reach my mouth to his, something that'd become more natural than breathing. _

/-/-/-

I don't know if it'd done any more damage, but me and Garrity somehow managed not to let our goodbye hug spiral into a full-blown makeout session. I did feel like it was the end of one chapter and the beginning of another. But lord knows I will miss being with her, filling her up both emotionally and physically.


End file.
